and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
