i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
