the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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