if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
