you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
