Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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