4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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