Have you finally orgasmed yet?
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize