I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
