I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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