Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
