There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
