Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
