i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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