It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
