Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
