why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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