i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
