it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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