Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
