I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
