It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
