Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
