Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
