No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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