I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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