PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
