Just fell off a train. Bad.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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