I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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