Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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