Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
