heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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