Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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