you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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