i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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