you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
