Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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