these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
