I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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