you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
