There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
