My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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