Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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