I puked a lego.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
