She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
