Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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