so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
