The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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