That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
