I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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