she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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