why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
