Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
