I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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