Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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