im six kinds of drunk right now
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
