wrigley field is MILF paradise
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
