my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I FOUND THE LEGS
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize