He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
