My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
