I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
