ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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