I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
