I want to walk on stilts...naked
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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