you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize