Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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