Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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