The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
